Muslim Life Guide China Ramadan: Qur'an, Fidyah and Health Struggles With Fasting
Reposted from the web
Summary: This Ramadan reflection shares the author's anxiety about illness, dialysis, missed fasting, fidyah, shame, longing for worship, and the emotional pain of wanting to fast for Allah while the body may not allow it.
"O you who believe, fasting has been prescribed for you as it was prescribed for those before you, so that you may become mindful of Allah" (2:183)
From about the age of three or four, when my parents, brothers and sisters got up to fast, I would follow them. Sometimes I could fast for a whole day, and sometimes I would be so hungry until noon that I would break fast secretly. I have never given up a day of fasting in Ramadan since I was six years old, but since I fell ill, I ruthlessly abandoned Ramadan last year, and I will probably continue to wave goodbye to the noble month of Ramadan this year.
To be honest, I didn’t fast last year due to health reasons. I felt very embarrassed and even ashamed when I walked around the village. Just like this verse in the Qur'an says: He also allowed those three to repent, and they left it to Allah's command, feeling that although the earth was vast, they felt that they had no place to be ashamed of (9:118). Every time I met someone in the village, I wished I could run away and hide. Otherwise, I would always feel that others were fasting but I was not fasting, and I felt extremely ashamed from the bottom of my heart.
Last year’s Ramadan has become a thing of the past, but this year’s Ramadan is just about to begin. If nothing else happens, the day after tomorrow will be the beginning of Ramadan this year, but the medicines I have to take several times a day and the hemodialysis three times a week are like shackles on my head. They have become an insurmountable barrier between me and the noble month of Ramadan. Ramadan seems to be getting away from me. I don’t know if those who have never fasted will feel like me during Ramadan. Anyway, since I didn’t fast during Ramadan last year, I always feel that the world has changed. It is no longer the world I am familiar with, and I am no longer the person I know.
In fact, every one of us who has recited the Qur'an knows that sick people like us can make up for the lack of fasting through "fidyah." But in my opinion, it’s like what I said before: “We all know that rice is sown in spring and harvested in autumn. But if I miss the planting season in the spring and replant in the summer, I don’t know if I will be able to harvest in the fall. If the weather is good and the temperature is high, you may be able to harvest some sporadic grain in the fall, but if the weather is a little cooler, the most you can harvest in the fall is a pile of straw. ”, so I really don’t want to complete my fast through “fidyah”, but I have to complete my fast through “fidyah”.
Only those who are sick will understand the preciousness of health, and only those who are dying will understand the value of life. Only people like us can truly understand the pain of wanting to fast but not being able to fast, just like what is said on the Internet: "The most painful thing is not being able to love."
Summary: This Ramadan reflection shares the author's anxiety about illness, dialysis, missed fasting, fidyah, shame, longing for worship, and the emotional pain of wanting to fast for Allah while the body may not allow it.
"O you who believe, fasting has been prescribed for you as it was prescribed for those before you, so that you may become mindful of Allah" (2:183)
From about the age of three or four, when my parents, brothers and sisters got up to fast, I would follow them. Sometimes I could fast for a whole day, and sometimes I would be so hungry until noon that I would break fast secretly. I have never given up a day of fasting in Ramadan since I was six years old, but since I fell ill, I ruthlessly abandoned Ramadan last year, and I will probably continue to wave goodbye to the noble month of Ramadan this year.
To be honest, I didn’t fast last year due to health reasons. I felt very embarrassed and even ashamed when I walked around the village. Just like this verse in the Qur'an says: He also allowed those three to repent, and they left it to Allah's command, feeling that although the earth was vast, they felt that they had no place to be ashamed of (9:118). Every time I met someone in the village, I wished I could run away and hide. Otherwise, I would always feel that others were fasting but I was not fasting, and I felt extremely ashamed from the bottom of my heart.
Last year’s Ramadan has become a thing of the past, but this year’s Ramadan is just about to begin. If nothing else happens, the day after tomorrow will be the beginning of Ramadan this year, but the medicines I have to take several times a day and the hemodialysis three times a week are like shackles on my head. They have become an insurmountable barrier between me and the noble month of Ramadan. Ramadan seems to be getting away from me. I don’t know if those who have never fasted will feel like me during Ramadan. Anyway, since I didn’t fast during Ramadan last year, I always feel that the world has changed. It is no longer the world I am familiar with, and I am no longer the person I know.
In fact, every one of us who has recited the Qur'an knows that sick people like us can make up for the lack of fasting through "fidyah." But in my opinion, it’s like what I said before: “We all know that rice is sown in spring and harvested in autumn. But if I miss the planting season in the spring and replant in the summer, I don’t know if I will be able to harvest in the fall. If the weather is good and the temperature is high, you may be able to harvest some sporadic grain in the fall, but if the weather is a little cooler, the most you can harvest in the fall is a pile of straw. ”, so I really don’t want to complete my fast through “fidyah”, but I have to complete my fast through “fidyah”.
Only those who are sick will understand the preciousness of health, and only those who are dying will understand the value of life. Only people like us can truly understand the pain of wanting to fast but not being able to fast, just like what is said on the Internet: "The most painful thing is not being able to love."
